I still can not bring myself to write about her. Soon I will. I spend quite a bit of time thinking about her. About that day I had to choose between holding onto her for my own selfish reasons or letting her go. Really letting go. No changing your mind kind of letting go. I have lost before. I lost my first child. I lost my mother. I lost my grandmother. I lost my sister. I lost my father. It astounds me as to how deeply I can grieve for her. I know grief. I have avoided it. Lived it. Hid it. Shared it. Even embraced it. I know it sounds crazy, but she was just that one constant in my life. And I knew it. And I miss her.
June 1996 ~ October 2010
But I know that because of this loss, and because of this grief, my heart is cracked wide. Wide enough to allow the new to step in and take over.